Welp, here we are again. I’m curious, have you ever wanted something so badly that you freeze when you finally get an opportunity? That feeling of sheer terror and an insatiable need to hide everything you’ve been working for. Almost like you’ve been doing something wrong?I hate that feeling. I hate that feeling with a passion. The mind-numbing panic that sets in that has every alarm bell in your head going MAYDAY! MAYDAY! IMMINENT DESTRUCTION IS UPON US. THIS IS A CODE BLACK, I REPEAT CODE BLACK. AKA WTF ARE YOU DOING STUPID GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. It’s that aching feeling of wanting to run far and fast away from…well your dreams. Because, at least in my mind, one of the scariest things in the world is actually succeeding in making dreams come true. It sounds ridiculous of course, who the hell doesn’t want to succeed. For me though there is just something terrifying about it. I never know what to do or what to think if I actually accomplish whatever it is I’m aiming for. Yet on the polar opposite scale, I am also afraid of failure. Of letting my team, my friends, my family, everyone who has supported me down. The anxiety is enough to drown under. It’s like a raging tornado of contradictory feelings that I get caught in the middle of and I won’t lie, I don’t always know how to handle it. So I guess the next question is how do I get over it. Simple answer: I don’t have a fucking clue. I’m not sure there really is an answer. To be honest I’m not even sure the anxiety in this instance is a bad thing. One of the things I’ve realized is that when this kind of thing comes up, I become terrified because I’m really truly putting myself out there for everyone to see. That sort of raw soul-bearing moment IS something to be anxious about because it actually means something to you. It’s not something you half-ass and simply don’t care about. The thing I hate isn’t necessarily the anxiety, it’s the freezing in place, being unable to move, speak or make any decision. THAT is what I hate about this. So for those of you who are wondering how to get through it here are a couple of tricks I’ve had to help me (most of the time)

1. Close your eyes, take a deep relaxing breath, and let it out while thinking of the things that make you feel safe, happy, and comfortable. For me, it’s a lazy day with me laying on the floor sunbathing with my cats in a ray of sunlight watching as the leaves shift and the dust motes trickle down my cat purrs and I cuddle up in my favorite blanket.

2. I ask myself to think objectively. Is walking away really what you want or are you just scared? Have you done what you can do to prepare?

3. Remind yourself that the worst they can say is no.

4. Think about a refusal in a different light. If they say no, is that really a place you would want to work? Or do you want to work with people who are eager for your ideas? What is the next move if they reject you?

5. What is the next move if they accept?

6. Reject or accept, nothing about who you are will really change, it will simply either get better or stay the same.

7. If all else fails, walk away and come back to it so you make a good decision.

Sometimes no matter what you do you can’t shake the feeling and well that’s ok. It is simply a feeling not something you HAVE to let control you. If it does for a bit that’s ok too. Just take your time. We all make it through this world in our own way. Imagine if we all took the same path! How boring would life be? Win or lose the only thing that matters, in the end, is if you have done your best and enjoyed every minute of it. Good or bad it’s the experiences we have that make life worth living. Lol well, that was therapeutic. I hope you guys got as much out of that as I did. I wasn’t expecting to hash out my anxiety here, but apparently writing it out is helpful. Damn my therapist for being right once again lmao. Well, gotta go face my fears and submit some of my pitches. Later Gators!!!